The four kinds of
actions that always precipitate trouble Gottman called "The Four
Horsemen of the Apocalypse". In biblical history they were War, Death,
Disease, and Famine. Gottman's interpretation considered them: Criticism,
Contempt, Stonewalling, and Defensiveness.
Dr. John Gottman
reported: "An unhappy marriage can increase your chances of getting
sick by roughly 35% and even shorten your life by in average of 4 years."*
The sad fact is that only a very low percentage of people in unhappy relationships
seek help in spite of the fact that therapy can almost always help. "Eighty
percent of divorced men and women said their marriage broke up because
they gradually grew apart and lost a sense of closeness, or because they
did not feel loved or appreciated."
Good relating is
a skill that can be learned, so if your relationship has a low IQ (Intimacy
Quotient), go to a marriage and sex therapist for training!
In a relationship
where there are power struggles and competition, both partners use a lot
of energy being alert to defend themselves and they are less open to make
the warm connections that create a loving interpersonal field.
Most people come for counselling because they want help with their disappointments in intimate relationships. Their distress may manifest itself as depression, anxiety, chronic conflict, sexual problems, substance abuse, or workaholism, all symptoms that may lead to separation, divorce, or estrangement from an important family member.
us at (613) 523-6400 so that we may begin to